I Was Deeply Distressed, Considered Suicide After 2008 Champions League Penalty Miss, John Terry

Former Chelsea and England captain, John Terry, has opened up about the severe emotional turmoil he experienced after missing a decisive penalty in the 2008 UEFA Champions League final, describing the episode as one of the darkest periods of his football career.

Speaking on Reece Mennie’s podcast, the 45-year-old recalled the painful night in Moscow when Chelsea lost to Manchester United on penalties at the Luzhniki Stadium. Terry slipped while taking what could have been the winning spot kick, sending the ball against the post and handing United the trophy.

According to Terry, the moment left him emotionally shattered and plagued by suicidal thoughts while alone in the team hotel shortly after the match.

“After the game, we went back to the hotel. I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, staring out of the window and asking myself, ‘Why? Why?’” he said. “I’m not saying I would have jumped, but those thoughts definitely crossed my mind at that moment.”

He credited his teammates for intervening at a critical time, revealing that their decision to check on him and pull him away from the room helped him cope with the immediate aftermath. “Those are the ‘what if’ moments,” Terry added. “You just never know how things could turn out.”

The psychological impact of the missed penalty lingered well beyond the final, affecting his return to England duty and his interactions with Manchester United players in subsequent matches.

Terry also reflected on scoring for England against the United States shortly after the final, admitting the goal brought mixed emotions. “I remember thinking, ‘Why couldn’t I just trade that goal for the penalty?’” he said.

He explained that the memory has become even more vivid since his retirement from football, as the absence of weekly matches and the adrenaline of competition has allowed past experiences to resurface.

“Now that I’m retired and don’t have that weekly focus or the excitement of playing in front of fans, it comes back more,” he said. “I still wake up at night remembering it. I don’t think it will ever fully go away.”

Terry said he found a sense of closure four years later when Chelsea won the Champions League in 2012 after defeating Bayern Munich on penalties. Although suspended for the final following his red card in the semi-final against Barcelona, he was part of the squad that lifted the trophy, helping to ease the pain of the 2008 heartbreak.